The 3 R's of Habit Formation
Create positive habits with 3 steps
Have you ever tried to start a new habit only to find an old, negative habit that's returned? Do negative habits keep you from being productive?
Here's a simple formula to control your habits and create new ones. I call it the 3 R's.
The 3 R's are Reminder, Routine, and Reward.
When you understand these three things about a habit, you can stop it and replace it with a positive habit.
What are habits?
First, let’s define what a habit is. The simplest definition is this: a habit is a brain-based response to an external problem.
Over time your brain has learned simple effective solutions to the issues that confront you in life. Your brain turned these into habits as responses to typical problems.
Habits work on the “if/then principle.” If a certain problem or stimulus arises, then you apply a practical solution.
If this, then that.
Example
Some people bite their nails as a response to stress. You do it without thinking about it until it becomes a habit. Most of us have minor habits to reduce stress. These are meant to reduce tension, but they can create behavior you don't like in the long run.
That's how the brain and habits work. If a solution works (if biting your nails reduces stress), then the next time you see a similar problem, your brain applies the same solution. That's the first R, or what I call the Reminder. (More on that later).
Your brain learned to respond to certain problems over and over again until it formed what we know of as a habit. And by doing it over and over again, your brain has formed this habit at the neural level. That just means your brain fires the response before you even choose to do it.
Important: every habit is a solution.
All habits “work” because all habits are solutions.
This is why I prefer not to call habits "bad" because even the bad habits that you would rather get rid of still work. They were a solution that your brain employed at some point to solve a specific problem. However, those habits may be negative for you at present.
Know your Reminder
When you identify a habit you want to change, learn what the reminder is. Your brain triggers habits at the level of the brain before you even realize it. That sounds like you can't do anything about it, but if you know your triggers, you can control them.
Triggers can be anything, but pay attention to the following: time, place, emotions, people, and "preceding events.”
Time - particular times of the day or week, or even your schedule, can trigger a habit. The good news is that this is easier to control, because you can anticipate this trigger when trying to change.
Place - your environment is a big part of your routine. Our brains form associations between place and habits very easily. This is also an easy way to create change. For example, if you're sluggish or unproductive, change up your work space.
Emotions - there's a reason why people associate eating with stress and depression. Your brain wants to give you something that makes you feel good (comfort food) when you experience negative emotions. When you tie a negative habit to an emotional state, replace it with something positive.
People - this should be no surprise. Dealing with other people - whether at work or at home - can be a major source of stress and emotion. When you identify how certain people trigger you , you can gain control and you stop letting other people control you.
Preceding Events - this is just a fancy way of identifying an event that already takes place in your life on a regular basis. It's kind of a combination of all the triggers, but it's also its own thing. For example, after you cook breakfast and walk the dog, you like to play on your phone before getting to work as a way to procrastinate.
Understand the routine
When a reminder triggers a habit, that means your brain engages a routine as a response. Learn the routines that are part of the habit you want to change. A routine can be an action, thought pattern, or an emotional response.
Examples of actions are smoking, eating, biting your nails, etc.
A thought pattern is the interior monologue that you have with yourself in a given situation. I'm just a lazy person or I'll never be good with money.
I'm here to tell you - habits that are thought patterns are extremely important! These aren't "only thoughts." Remember, all action starts as thought.
Habits can also be an emotional response. Certain people or situations can make you happy, nervous, sad or irritated.
Have you ever been around a person who just annoys you, but when you describe the situation to someone else, you can't quite explain why that person annoys you so much?
People trigger emotional responses. That's common sense. Emotions are obviously difficult to control, but when you understand their source, you can limit how much they affect you.
Most people think of habits only as actions. But a habit can also be a thought pattern or emotional response. When you understand this aspect of habit formation, you'll be a step ahead of most people. Understanding the manner in which your habits work will be key in designing a positive habit to replace them.
Accept the reward
Habits wouldn't work if they didn't reward you. Even negative habits. That's why I say you have to accept the reward.
What I mean by that is this: once you understand that your habits are giving you a reward, you'll be able to control them.
Until then you'll only see them as bad habits that you need to get rid of. When you think that way, you try to stop them through will power alone and will power isn't enough.
First of all, when you understand that negative habits are your brain's way of giving you something you want, you won't feel so bad. You'll understand that your brain is a powerful and effective tool that you can use for good, once you understand it.
When you understand that habits reward you, you can then replace that reward, but in a positive manner.
Earlier I gave you the example of someone who procrastinates on their phone after giving the dog a walk. This habit can be the brain's way of putting off difficult work. Replace phone time with an enjoyable task that is still work related.
If you think "work” has to mean getting straight to the difficult tasks for the day, this might be causing you to procrastinate. Find a task that you enjoy and is less intensive. It gets you into work mode and makes you feel productive, but there's less friction to overcome to get you there.
If you want to quit smoking, first understand that smoking provides something for you. Maybe it gives you something to do with your hands, or it makes you feel good physically, or it gives you an excuse to take a break. Whatever it's doing for you, identify the main reward and replace it in a positive manner.
The bottom line is that you can't just change a habit through will power without replacing the routine and the reward. Your brain has been seeking that reward for a reason. Learn what your reward is and replace it.
Focus on the 3 R's
Whether you want to create a new habit or eliminate a negative habit, focus on the 3 R's: Reminder, Routine, and Reward. When you understand how the brain works and how it creates habits, you'll grasp just how powerful your brain is.
When you understand that power, you can put it to work for you and create habits that lead to your success.
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