Make habits you like
Get rid of habits you hate
How did you form healthy habits as a child?
If you’re like most of us, it was because of your parent’s nagging.
“Did you brush your teeth? Wash your hands? Did you finish your homework?”
Our parents gave us good habits by forcing us to do stuff that we didn’t want to do. (Although I hope no one has to tell you to wash your hands anymore).
That’s the blueprint most of the world still has for habits.
A habit is something I hate to do, but I’m just gonna force myself to keep doing it, because it’s good for me. And eventually it will become second nature.
Think about that for a second. If you’re trying to form a habit that you don’t like, ask yourself this question, “why do I want to make a habit that I hate?”
You’re not a child. It’s time to stop forcing yourself to do things you hate.
Instead form good habits by doing something you like doing.
Here’s how this can work for you.
Be - Do - Have
The Be - Do - Have model is the key of the Identity Factor. It’s a simple idea. You create success at the level of identity. To get the success you want, be the person that succeeds.
Lasting habits can only happen at the level of identity. You have to be the person that has the habit you are trying to put in place. Therefore, it only makes sense that your identity has to fit what you actually like.
It really is that simple. If you want to create a habit of eating cilantro daily, then it probably won’t work if cilantro makes you gag. Weird example, I know. There’s nothing wrong with creating an identity around a happier, more successful you, but it obviously has to be built around...you and who you really are.
Willpower is not enough
When you try to create a habit through willpower, you’re trying to force yourself to do something you don’t like to get a result that you want. This works in the short run. The positive reinforcement from the good result gives you the willpower to choose a behavior that you really don’t like.
But eventually that positive reinforcement isn’t enough. And it takes more and more willpower to force yourself to do something you really don’t want to do. In the long run, the habit won’t stick if you’re trying to make it work through willpower alone.
This cycle is what keeps gyms and the diet industry in business. People keep falling into the cycle because they keep chasing the high from the short time they were able to keep to a habit. But this just doesn’t work in the long run. Not through willpower.
Willpower is important. And your conscious, analytical mind is important. This is how you identify and visualize your goals. But your subconscious brain is how you actually achieve your goals and create new habits.
Your subconscious works!
Your subconscious is a machine for achieving your goals. It wants to keep you happy and alive. It will do just that so long as you give it a clear picture and get out of your own way.
But negative emotions and limiting beliefs inhibit your subconscious mind’s ability to achieve goals. When you center your goals around tasks and behaviors that you don’t actually enjoy doing then this only creates stress, anxiety, and procrastination. All of this bad energy gets in the way of your subconscious and its natural ability to get things done.
And when I talk about energy, I’m not trying to be mystical. Anxiety, stress, frustration...these are just emotions that your brain has to process and that your brain wants to avoid. So if you incorporate these negative emotions into the very pattern you use to try to achieve your goals, it’s going to be counterproductive. It’s that simple. Your subconscious is designed to make you happy. So if you’re trying to create habits that bring frustration, it’s just going to resist even more.
Stop getting in the way of your subconscious. Stop trying to power through something you hate in order to make it a habit. Why would you want to make something you hate a habit in the first place? Find the goal and find a way to get there that you enjoy more.
What does this mean?
All this means is...stop trying to do what you don’t like. Think about it. Is there some habit that you’ve been trying to form over and over but you keep failing at? Do you keep thinking about how things will be better once you reach some target goal? Something that’s just out of reach?
Why?
Have you ever stopped to think that you just don’t like doing that thing? How are you going to keep this habit up once you achieve the goal? Something magical is not going to change inside of you, even if you reach your goal and achieve the wealth and success you want. That habit has to come from your identity if you want it to be long term. There’s no other way.
What do I mean?
Let’s say your goal is to be healthy. You start going to the gym and hitting the weights and hitting the cardio machines. It works for a while and you feel great. But after a while you start dreading it. Lifting weights and walking on the Stairmaster is hard and boring. Eventually, you can’t keep it up.
Well, maybe that’s not the best way for you to exercise. Maybe you’d get in just as good shape playing racquetball with friends or a recreational soccer league. Or maybe competitive sports stress you out but you enjoy Pilates class with a group of friends. Or maybe you’re sick of the Pilates class, but you like lifting weights as a way to have alone time and clear your mind.
The point is there’s more than one way to skin a cat. (I was actually a little worried about offending someone with that expression, but ironically I could not find a good substitute! But look - you get the idea. And for what it’s worth...I love cats).
When we create goals, it’s easy to think that there is only one way to get there. Or at least there's a better way to get there. But the point is there’s a better way for you to get there. But it may not be the same for everyone else.
Trying to lose weight and hate keto? Maybe it’s time to just admit that keto isn’t for you. There are only so many pizza crust substitutes a person can handle.
Trying to be productive but hate waking up at 4 A.M. every day? Well, maybe you’re a late night person. People don't say "mornings suck" for no good reason.
The point is that there are always other ways to achieve your goal. Sometimes people get focused on a way that seems optimal. But if it doesn’t work or if it only generates resistance, then stop trying to force it. Learn to utilize your natural likes and dislikes. They’ll point you to the best way to create a habit.
Reassess your goals
Remember that your conscious mind does play a role. Success is rooted in identity, and that means it’s rooted in the whole person. Your conscious, analytical mind helps to identify the goals you want and how you want to be happy. That’s how you visualize and identify what you want your subconscious to achieve.
Consistently reassess your goals. Reassess what works. By doing this you help to give your subconscious a clearer and more distinct picture of what success looks like.
A few caveats
Some things are non-negotiable. You wouldn’t give up on health as a goal, because you can’t find a way to achieve good health that you like doing. Obviously I’m not suggesting that. And obviously motivation can vary on different days. Some days you’re fired up, and we all have days when you just don’t feel like anything.
That’s different.
My point here is that most goals have an infinite variety of different ways you can achieve them. Don’t get hung up on doing something you hate, even if it seems like the best, most rational and effective means of success. You don’t want to do something you don’t enjoy doing. A habit you hate is only going to get in the way in the long run. Stop creating obstacles and start clearing all negative emotions and frustrations out of your life so that your subconscious can do its thing and make you happy.
Do what you like doing and you'll get more done. Try it.
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