How to replace an old habit with a new habit
Don’t just quit→ start something new too
If you want to drop a habit, then you need to learn this simple truth.
An old habit has to be replaced with a different habit.
This may not make a lot of sense at first.
If you want to stop a negative habit, that means you want to remove its effect on your life. Therefore won’t it be enough just to stop doing the thing? It’s tempting to think that you don’t really need to substitute something new.
However it’s not that simple. Here’s why.
When you understand what a habit is and how it functions, then you’ll understand why it can’t just be removed in the same way that you cut something off with a pair of scissors.
What is a habit?
A habit is a behavior that your brain has learned to use in specific situations to achieve specific goals.
In the past, your brain has learned that a certain behavior will get some desired result. So when similar situations arise in the future, your brain uses the same behavior to get a similar result.
If → then.
If this situation occurs, then your brain chooses the same behavior.
A habit is a behavior your brain developed to solve a problem.
We call a behavior a negative habit when it either doesn’t serve its original purpose or the long term effects of the behavior are more toxic than its initial reward.
For example
Take the classic negative behavior. Smoking.
People start smoking for a million reasons. They enjoy the physical pleasure of a cigarette or feel that it relieves tension. But the negative effects are obvious.
If you want to quit smoking, you can’t just think about it as removing the negative effect, i.e., the threat to your health. If you want to quit smoking long term-and you do-then identify what it is that smoking does for you on the level of a habit and then find a replacement.
And I’m not just talking about nicotine here.
What I mean is that you need some habit that targets the same need for which you developed the original habit. It may not take the same form, particularly for something so ingrained as smoking, but it needs to address the same psychological need.
Do you smoke to deal with anxiety? Find a small habit you can do throughout the day that relieves anxiety--but make sure it's something that is physically stimulating. Stretch. Run cold water over wrists. Eat chocolate.
Is smoking something to do with your hands in social situations? Find some other object that you're comfortable holding when talking, like a pen or a pencil.
Is smoking an excuse to give yourself breaks throughout the day? Instead take a five minute walk. Work on a crossword for a few minutes. Listen to a favorite song.
Seek out the deeper reason for why you find that habit comforting and seek to replace it in some other form.
(I’m not a doctor!)
By the way, I'm not saying don’t use nicotine supplements if they work for you and are supported by your doctor or other medical professional. I don't have an opinion on that. I'm just saying you can't stop a habit purely on the chemical level.
You have to identify the cause for the habit and target that same cause or function with a new habit.
But this isn't just about smoking, obviously. This is about any negative habit that you want to stop.
Biting your nails. Checking email first thing in the morning. Eating too much junk food. Rooting for the Mets.
Whatever negative behavior you have in your life, it has a reason. If you want to stop that behavior, then you must discover that reason, and develop a positive habit that targets and provides the same thing or something similar.
Not always simple
There's not always a perfect 1:1 replacement ala Indiana Jones at the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark with the bag of dirt he trades for the idol. If you eat too many potato chips, then stopping that habit isn’t going to be as easy as just replacing chips with celery.
Don’t get trapped with literal thinking when you replace an old habit with a new.
Remember, focus on the underlying function of the negative habit. And once you find whatever need that the old habit met, find a way to meet that same need in a healthier way.
For example, we all know junk food comforts us when we’re stressed or sad. To eliminate the junk food habit, find something else that is healthier but easy to do and that brings you comfort.
Checking your emails first thing every day can be a bad habit.
It’s an easily identifiable task you can do as you drink your coffee. Hey, I’m busy getting to work. Seems good.
That’s what you think, but really it’s a time-waster. But once you’ve identified it as such, replace that need it fills but in a positive way.
Instead, try this:
Identify an easy to finish task at the end of each work day. Write it on a post-it note and stick it on your screen (or wherever you sit down with that first cup of coffee).
Now when you sit down every morning, you can actually start with the habit of doing something productive, no matter how small. And it takes away the pressure of having to leap into the whole day and figure out everything all at once.
These are just examples. They make work for you or they may not. But you get the point-to get rid of an old habit, replace it with a new one.
Summary
Identify the old habit. Then understand the need behind that habit.
Why does your brain use this behavior and in which situations?
Once you’ve identified the need, create a new habit that addresses that same need.
Understand that your new habit won’t necessarily take the same form, as long as it’s addressing the same underlying psychological need.
For serious, ingrained habits that you’ve developed over years, you’re still going to need other methods and approaches. I’ve talked about some of them in other habit hacks here, here, and here.
Regardless, you need a new habit to replace the old. A new habit may not be sufficient on its own to stop the old habit but it will always be a part of the overall program.
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