How your habits reflect your identity
Use this knowledge for change
The habits you have - good and bad - fit your identity.
Just like your clothes fit your body, your habits fit who you are now.
Change your identity to change your habits.
Think about it. You want to look sexy on the beach this summer. What has to change first, your body or your swimsuit?
If you want to lose weight, you can’t just buy a smaller pair of pants and expect to solve the problem.
Believe me, I’ve tried.
If you want to look sexier or lose weight, you have to start with your body first. You have to get in shape and solve the underlying issue. Then you find the clothes that fit.
It’s the same with habits. People try to change their habits first, but that won’t work.
Habits form around your identity. Just like the only clothes you can wear are the ones that fit your body. It’s the same with habits. Your habits “fit” who you are.
Here’s the good news:
You are not your habits. Your habits can change.
But if you have habits that you want to change, start by realizing those same habits fit your identity now.
Let’s get academic
Where does the word “habit” come from? Like most older words it has a complex history. But one of its roots is in the Middle French word habiliment.
Habiliment is the uniform or type of clothing worn by a particular occupation. Think about the scrubs a doctor wears or a firefighter’s uniform. Or think about the habit worn by a monk or a nun, which comes from the same word.
Habiliment is something that "fits" a particular occupation. It's something that we identify with certain jobs and people. Remember how you were taught to recognize police officers and firefighters as a kid? It all came down to the uniform.
Our minds link identity with someone’s clothing - with their habiliment.
In the same way, our minds link habits with identity.
The word for habit comes from habiliment for a reason. A habit is a behavior that fits your identity.
Your subconscious creates habits that agree with your identity, so your habits agree with (or are congruent) with the identity you have for yourself at the subconscious level.
And just like an old sweater or a favorite pair of jeans gets more comfortable with time (if they still fit!), the same thing happens to our habits. We become more and more suited to them as they “fit” our identities more.
You may not like your habits. You may see them as negative. You may even find yourself in a constant struggle to change them.
But your habits reflect how you see yourself subconsciously. Even the “bad” habits.
And you can’t change those habits until you change your subconscious image of yourself.
Tomorrow never comes
Think about one of the classic excuses: “I'll start tomorrow.”
You set your alarm to wake up at 5 am because you’re going to get your work done early. Then five o’clock comes and you’re still sleepy, so you hit snooze a few times. But that’s okay, because you’re serious about this, and you’re gonna really get going at 5 am tomorrow!
Or you decide that you’re going to hit the gym every day after lunch. Well, you had pizza for lunch today, and you’re feeling kind of bloated, plus it’s muggy out and you’re tired. So maybe you won’t make it today, but tomorrow?
Tomorrow you’re gonna hit the weights hard! Because you are for real about this!
And so on and so forth.
We’ve all put off our goals until tomorrow. We’ve all thought about how we’re going to get serious tomorrow, or next week, or after the holidays.
But we keep putting it off and it never happens.
(For the smoker, it’s the “one more cigarette” or “one more pack” syndrome).
Good image
And it makes sense. Our self-identity is important. No one wants to think badly about themself.
It’s unhealthy.
So we identify with that person who’s going to show up tomorrow. We place all of our identity in our belief that tomorrow we’re gonna get serious about our goals.
But tomorrow never comes.
And we just keep our old habits. Because the reality is we’re lazier than we want to admit. We’re more addicted than we want to admit. More selfish too.
Old habits die
Our true identity, the one we act out today with our habits, is not something we’re comfortable with, so we project our identity onto a tomorrow that never comes.
That’s the truth. The truth may hurt, but it’s the first step to change.
Once you can face that reality - that your negative habits fit your identity - then that’s the first step to real, lasting change. Because your habits can change.
And your perception of your identity must change first to make that happen.
This is what I call the Be - Do - Have model. I talk about it here and here. (Really I talk about it everywhere, because it’s the foundation for my method that has helped tons of people create lasting change).
It’s hard to face, but it’s a simple idea. When you accept it and start creating change on the level of your identity, you’ll see big changes in your life. Changes that last.
And if you don’t know how to start, I want to help! When you’re ready for an explosive change in your life, I will create a strategy for improving your habits in every area of your life. Professional. Financial. Personal.
Work with Anthony and hit the rocket fuel 🚀button on your success!
Click below to schedule your free strategy call and apply for 1:1 coaching:
